OHHHHHHHHH LADIES.

First off, it's Shideh! For some inexplainable reason I can't log on as myself so I will just have to write via Megan. Secondly, so sorry this took me forever. I totally value and appreciate what's going on in this space and I'm sorry I haven't contributed until now. A LOT has been happening, a whirl wind of changes, completions, and lots of PATIENCE being tested as always.

I feel as if I've been holding a baby inside of me for the past 4 years and suddenly I've given birth, placenta and all and I'm not quite sure what to do with myself. It's been a journey to say the least, and there's still so much that needs to be done to make sure my story gets out into the world, but for now I'm letting it breathe and allowing it to live with others and see if they think my baby is as pretty and wonderful as I do! All exciting stuff.

This past week I had the pleasure of seeing Ms. Megan Stoltz who is quite the banjo player I must say. The days I spent in SF were magic and reminded me how much I love the city and the people who reside there. This month is a limbo stage for me, a true test of my patience as I wait to hear back about fellowships/residencies/teaching credential/elia's where abouts, and the challenge here is to find stillness throughout all this uncertainty, to make sure I'm consciously putting positive energy towards the future and not filling my mind up with useless conversations that circle around stress and the anxiety of not knowing. I think it's about trust, in the path you're on and why we're here in the first place. Anyway, sorry to get all philosophical. I did have an amazing trip with Elia down the coast, we played Greek music and pretended we were in Greece, but honestly California is freaking beautifullllll and I feel like I haven't explored it as much as I should, so we should perhaps make it a communal goal to do a camping trip in Big Sur? OK, I miss you all in distinct ways, but just as equally.

Love,
Shideh


ps- I've been editing this Paris gay travel guide all week, and this was the highlight for me, don't you just want to take a bite out of that???

drip drip drip little april showers...

Hello ladies--just thought I would do a little catch up on the life.  So I spent my spring break in Mexico city!  Ayyy dios mios!  I had the most amazing time getting lost in the city, the life, the people.  All of the colors, the smells, the magic--my god, it is a hidden gem in travel destinations.  The city lives with an inexplicable spirit.  My words give it no justice so I have provided some photographs.

Now I want to share my thoughts about life...
Strengths...
I think I have been doing a good job at living in the moment.  Whenever I feel my brain start to wonder to la la anxiety land I bring it back by just telling myself, "this is the only time in my life I will ever live like this.  This is the only year I will EVER be 27 and it is sooo special."  It has really been helping me to stay focused and feel good about every moment.
What I have been working on...
I have been going to banjo practice for about six months now and I have been sooo challenged and frustrated each lesson.  My teacher always makes me play the hard parts over and over and over until that part of of the song feels like a part of me--something that cannot be lost or taken away.  I never WANT to play the hard parts over and over--I really want to say, "this is fucking hard and I am done for the day Joel--you make it look so easy and it's not." but I don't and in the end I am grateful. I have come to the realization that this is how you master an art.  You do something over and over until it is absorbed into your core.  I tend to half ass so many things that I do because I refuse to practice my skills. I lazily skim the surface.  I look at my mom and her incredible sewing, baking and organizational skills and I wonder where I lost the art of precision.  Did it skip a generation?  Where did it go?  I am on a new quest to get it back.  To do things and do them beautifully!  I miss you guys and I am sending you my love!!!!